Friday, October 24, 2008

So you say you live in AT-laaaaaaan-tah?

Just had to post this for all my readers in and out side of Atlanta.

This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta , Georgia , has ever lived in Atlanta , has ever visited Atlanta , ever plans to visit Atlanta , knows anyone who already lives in Atlanta , or knows anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta .

Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville , South Carolina.

All directions start with, 'Go down Peachtree' and include the phrase, 'When you see the Waffle House.' Except that in Cobb County , where all directions begin with, 'Go to the Big Chicken.'

Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with:
Peachtree Circle
Peachtree Place
Peachtree Lane
Peachtree Road
Peachtree Parkway
Peachtree Run
Peachtree Terrace
Peachtree Avenue
Peachtree Commons
Peachtree Battle
Peachtree Corners
New Peachtree
Old Peachtree
West Peachtree
Peachtree-Dunwoody
Peachtree-Chamblee
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard

Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions, they will always send you down Peachtree.

Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. Coke is all they drink there so don't ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola.. Even if you want something other than a Coca-Cola, it's still called Coke.

The gates at Atlanta 's Hartsfield International Airport are about 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.

The 8 am rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM.

The 5 pm rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM.

Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2 am Saturday.

Only a native of Atlanta can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue , so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is 'pawntz duh LEE-awn.'

And yes, they have a street named simply, 'Boulevard.'

The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week. Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.

I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta, which has a posted speed limit of 55 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over), is known to truckers as 'The Watermelon 500.'

Don't believe the directional markers on highways: I-285 is marked East and West but you may be going North or South. The locals identify the direction by referring to the 'Inner Loop' and the 'Outer Loop .'

If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.

Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta . Just go to one of the interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road.

The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia .

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia , plus a couple no one has seen before.

If it grows, it sticks.

If it crawls, it bites.

If you notice a vine trying to wrap itself around your leg, you have about 20 seconds to escape, before you are completely captured and covered with Kudzu, another ill-advised 'import,' like the Carp, Starling, English Sparrow, and other 'exotic wonders'.

It's not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.

'Fixinto' is one word (I'm fixinto go to the store).

Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're 2 years old.

'Jeet?' is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?'

'Momma-nem' means: How's Mother and all of the other children and other members of the family doing.



Lordy, I love ATLANTA !

5 comments:

calicobebop said...

Oh My Gawd, I luv posts about the south. I actually lived in Athens, GA for a while and visited "Eht-layn-ta" quite often. You are correct in assuring your readers that it is all one-way streets and quite possibly the most confusing city in the world. It's also the home of CNN (which I visited) and SciTrek (where my sister worked) and nearby Stone Mountain (which I love, love, love). All and all, it's a grand place and if you can survive the traffic there - you can survive anywhere!

whitney said...

ohmigod! I read the "Ponce de Leon" thing like you wrote it before I read that part. HA! I've always told people my drawl is more Georgia. And they didn't believe me.

Di said...

HA! I pondered posting this also but chose the brain teasers instead.

Another great thought brought to you by "The Mind Share Program" lol

the cubicle's backporch said...

I love posts about the South b/c if you've lived there, you know most of them are pretty damn true. hee hee.


I also call everything 'coke'. Northerners seem to say 'pop' a lot.

Charlotte Fairchild said...

Sci-Trek isn't in Atlanta anymore is it? Also, if you Google kudzu food, there are 2 million sites. Who knew it is related to snow peas and soy beans and is sweet? Loads of great links on www.kudzus.blogspot.com so that you can get help for your liver/detox.