Sunday, January 17, 2010

There are days....and then there are DAYS

There are days I wake up and love being a Mom!
Then there are the other days.....

There are days like the week before last week before my two week Christmas vacation...when Parker came down with RSV and I had to miss several days of work and had to make emergency arrangements with his Nana to watch him at home so I could work a little bit.
There are days like last week when Parker came down with a stomach bug....and I was called no more than 10 minutes after I'd dropped him off that he'd vomited and needed to be picked up. It was the week that our office was moving and it was a short week...I didn't have time for this!

Those are the days where I'm pretty sure I didn't sign up for this. Those are the days where you have to make the hard decisions as a working Mom. Those are the days where you have to pick your child over your job. After a few of those days it makes me worry about being able to keep my job.

I know it's not the case...but I feel like I've missed more days from my job than I've actually worked. Deep down I know that's not the case...but I feel guilty every time I have to choose my son over my job. But when I ask someone else to help, I feel even guiltier.

Is guilt the working mother's dilemma? Will I be cursed with this as long as I'm working and he's living at home? Do I have 18 more years of this?

Some days it's so hard I just sit and cry...not knowing what to do...wishing I could make everyone understand that this is a hard decision and that I don't make it lightly. I want people at my job to know that it's not like I want to be out...nursing a sick baby at home. I'd rather be at work, doing something fulfilling and having him enjoying his day care. I'd choose that scenario a million times over.

But when I have one of those days....and I get that call from day care that he's not well....and I get frustrated and upset....I go pick him up and see that face....that face that lights up my world...

And I remember that he was once a tiny little boy who's grown way too fast....

And I know choosing him is the only right thing. He won't be this small forever although I'd like to freeze him just where he is. He's perfect and happy and just the sweetest boy.

When I have one of THOSE days....I look back at his pictures from the last 6 months and everything makes sense again.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Dear Parker - Month 6

Dear Sweet Baby Parker,

Mommy's sorry for not writing to you last month.

The last two months have been full of new discoveries for you. You've changed so much and see the world so much differently than you used to.

We celebrated Thanksgiving at you Nana and Pop's house. We had such a great time! Next year you will be able to sit at the table with us and eat from your own plate. That will be so much fun!
We discovered you could roll over both ways. We also discovered you like to sleep on your side. We took this picture one day after you and Daddy were playing. You got tired and rolled over and went to sleep!
Mommy and Daddy also started feeding you solid foods. We soon found out that you love squash the most! So far you've had: sweet potatoes, carrots, squash, green peas, green beans, applesauce, pears, peaches and bananas. Mommy usually makes up funny songs when she feeds you and sometimes she makes you laugh so hard you spit food at her. We always have a fun time when we're eating!

One afternoon you, Mommy and Daddy went to Sam's Club to get you some diapers and to do a little Christmas shopping - you got unhappy in your stroller so Mommy carried you around until she thought her arms would fall off! At that point I decided to see if you could sit in the stroller by yourself and what do you know! You could!! We were so proud we had to snap a picture of you from our camera phone!

You also had your first visit to Santa this year! Our friends at The Grove Church held an event where you could visit Santa for free...and unfortunately he looked like a "free" Santa. You don't look like you're all that excited either...hopefully next year we can get a smile out of you (and Santa)!

Right before Christmas this year you got really sick. You started coughing really bad and Mommy took you to see your doctor. He listened to you breathe and said the letters Mommy dreaded hearing...he said he thought you had RSV. He went and got a swab and got a sample from your nose and came back to tell me that it was positive. I cried and cried. I didn't want my baby to be so sick! (A funny side story - When I called to tell your Grandma that you had RSV, she misunderstood me. She thought I had said that you had H1N1, or the flu, and she just went to pieces with me on the phone. She was crying hysterically and so was I. Finally she asked if I was going to get sick and were they going to put you in the hospital. I said no, I can't get sick from this, it's just a sniffle to me. Then we realized she had misunderstood me and we laughed!!) Luckily your breathing treatments and your steroid worked and by the day before we left for Tennessee you were all better! The doctor told Mommy that everything sounded good and we could travel with you!

So off we went to Tennessee this year for Christmas and stayed with Grandma and Grandpa for 10 whole days!!! We had so much fun seeing family and enjoying being spoiled. Grandma and Grandpa's friends Jim and Brenda let them have a megasaucer while you were there and boy did you love it! It took you about two days to figure out what everything did and once you had that down you figured out you could make the thing bounce and you'd jump and laugh! We had such a fun time watching you play in it. You particularly loved chewing on the puppy's ears!!

We went and spend Christmas Eve at Granny's house - all 20 something of us. It was so hot in there! Mommy wanted to show you off in your Santa outfit...but only made you wear it for just a few minutes. You were so sweaty when I took your hat off! I ended up just having you in your socks and your onesie and rolling up your sleeves because it was so warm in the house.

Grandma made you a playmat in front of the TVin their living room and you'd play there for hours. One night Mommy put you in your babylegs so you could play with your toes easier. We laughed at you because you'd grab them and roll over and squeal. At this point you were rolling to your belly but didn't really know what to do once you got there. Grandma laughed at the skulls on your babylegs...I told her not to laugh, that you were HARDCORE! :-)

Mommy found this really cool seat one day while on the Babies R Us website. You like to sit up like a big boy so I thought it would be something you'd enjoy. We went to dinner one night and we put you in the seat and you loved it! You played with your feet and kicked around. We could even attach your favorite rings to the straps so they wouldn't drop to the floor. That same night Mommy discovered that you like to gnaw on celery's just enough're teething something fierce right now too. Mommy expects to wake up one morning to find you have 4 new teeth!

You've finally figured out what to do once you've rolled over. Usually this is where we find you. You like to sleep on your side and sometimes rolled more onto your belly - just like your Mommy! Grandma found you this baby sized sock monkey and you love it so much. You almost always take a nap with it at home! Your Aunt Kate got you a full sized sock monkey for Christmas and you love it too!!

Feeding time is always fun! You are getting so independent now and wanting to grab at the spoon and inspect it. Mommy's started giving you a bowl to distract you so that she can feed you without getting food all over both of us! You also decided that you didn't like laying back so much in your high chair so now you're sitting up more like a big boy. You amaze me every day with how independent and strong you are!

Yesterday was your 6 month birthday and we went to eat lunch with Nana and Pop and spend the afternoon with them. You sat in your new chair and then also sat in the restaurant's high chair so Mommy could feed you. You ate a whole container of baby food while we ate!
We went back to Nana and Pop's house and played - Aunt Paige had brought over some toys that cousins Andrew and Katherine had played with and you loved this one. It had a sun and moon and astronaut that all spun around. You knew exactly what to do to get them to spin. You loved chewing on it and playing with it.
Parker, I can't believe how fast the last 6 months have flown by. You are becoming your own little person and amazing me every day. It is music to my ears when you laugh...I'd jump over a thousand buildings to hear that laugh. I'd swim a thousand oceans to see your gummy grin. We have a minor hurdle to jump in the next couple of weeks. Your surgery is coming up fast and although Mommy dreads it, I know it's for the best. I am sure that I will see your beautiful smile shortly after the surgery is over and that laugh no long after.

Mommy loves you, dear one! You are the light of my life and all that is right with this world.