Sunday, January 17, 2010

There are days....and then there are DAYS

There are days I wake up and love being a Mom!
Then there are the other days.....

There are days like the week before last week before my two week Christmas vacation...when Parker came down with RSV and I had to miss several days of work and had to make emergency arrangements with his Nana to watch him at home so I could work a little bit.
There are days like last week when Parker came down with a stomach bug....and I was called no more than 10 minutes after I'd dropped him off that he'd vomited and needed to be picked up. It was the week that our office was moving and it was a short week...I didn't have time for this!

Those are the days where I'm pretty sure I didn't sign up for this. Those are the days where you have to make the hard decisions as a working Mom. Those are the days where you have to pick your child over your job. After a few of those days it makes me worry about being able to keep my job.

I know it's not the case...but I feel like I've missed more days from my job than I've actually worked. Deep down I know that's not the case...but I feel guilty every time I have to choose my son over my job. But when I ask someone else to help, I feel even guiltier.

Is guilt the working mother's dilemma? Will I be cursed with this as long as I'm working and he's living at home? Do I have 18 more years of this?

Some days it's so hard I just sit and cry...not knowing what to do...wishing I could make everyone understand that this is a hard decision and that I don't make it lightly. I want people at my job to know that it's not like I want to be out...nursing a sick baby at home. I'd rather be at work, doing something fulfilling and having him enjoying his day care. I'd choose that scenario a million times over.

But when I have one of those days....and I get that call from day care that he's not well....and I get frustrated and upset....I go pick him up and see that face....that face that lights up my world...

And I remember that he was once a tiny little boy who's grown way too fast....

And I know choosing him is the only right thing. He won't be this small forever although I'd like to freeze him just where he is. He's perfect and happy and just the sweetest boy.

When I have one of THOSE days....I look back at his pictures from the last 6 months and everything makes sense again.


April said...

I totally understand where you are coming from...and I'm not even back to work yet (still looking for a job). That is part of the reason I coudn't go BACk to my job...they would have given me hell anytime I had to miss time and I was already stressed out by that place (BEFORE I had Hunter). But no matter what, our babies come first!

Apple said...

You have a beautiful baby boy!! :)