Ode to the cable company

Oh Charter, wherefore art thou with my divine HD compatible converter box? Why hast thou left me without high def? My heart yearns to see my beloved Anthony Bourdain in HD. My dearest soulmate, Shooter, longs to purchase his huge ass television, but alas cannot watch any programs in HD because we have yet to enjoy the company of one of your esteemed service technicians.


Okay...I'm done with that crap....


I went yesterday, on my day off no less, to exchange our digital cable box for an HD compatible digital cable box. Now, this is the second time in two weeks that we've tried this, Shooter went the first time and apparently missed the chance of getting the last box by a matter of hours. So, I saunter up to the counter (because I was having a FAB.U.LOUS hair day) and oh so kindly notify the clerk that I would like to exchange my cable box for an HD one. She looks at me like I've asked her if I could have a million bucks. Seriously. She says to me, "I am pretty sure we don't have any boxes back there, even the one that you have. Let me check the computer though." She types, she frowns, she won't meet my stare, she then says - "I was right, nothing." I looked at her and dared her to repeat herself. I said, "Are you serious? I mean, really. You're telling me that you don't have one, single, lone, solitary HD compatible box back there? Really?" She says to me, "No, ma'am...what we should do is put you down for an appointment for someone to come by and hook it up for you. That way you'll be guaranteed to get one." I think for a second, then "But what if you don't get any boxes in before my appointment." I think I actually stumped her because she pauses, frowns and then says, "Well, no one will show up and we'll reschedule the appointment." "Oh, I see," I said to her, "I'll wait at home for hours and then because the guy that had the appointment in front of me got the last box, I'll get stuck without one and then have to wait for hours again on another day and hope the same thing doesn't happen again." I got a blank stare from her. She then types into the computer and says, "Let's choose the 26th, that should give us time to get some boxes in." "I certainly hope so," was my bland reply.


I mean, really....I hate the cable company. They have me hostage though. I am addicted to my high speed broadband internet connected. My 5Mbps downloading speed makes me swoon. If it weren't for my internet, I'd have long ago ditched cable for the dish.


Son of a beach, sheets!!!!!! (as my boss is so fond of saying)