The moments you cherish

Yesterday, when I got home from work, Shooter decided that he didn't want to mess up the kitchen and that we were going out to dinner. P had fallen asleep in the car on the way home from daycare so that worked out just fine - he napped on the way home and then to the restaurant and rejuvenated when we arrived.

We had a great dinner....P having his evening meal and snacking on some crackers, cookies and french fries. I so enjoy that time together.

When we got home, Shooter and I both realized that we HAD NO MORE FORMULA MIX!!!!! Which is enough to strike paralyzing fear in the hearts of the most manly of men. So Shooter ran out to get some more formula and I had some precious alone time with my lil man.

He loves to play chase. He'll crawl a few feet away from you and then roll onto his butt and look at you, grin, then turn and crawl a bit more. He'll keep doing that until you come chasing after him saying, "Ima gonna git youuu!". He keeps cackling and then starts crawling like a man on a mission - his lil but just wiggling back and forth - sticking out his leg in his modified crab crawl. I catch him in my bedroom and we play with our mirror and then the door (the kid has this incomprehensible fascination with doors) and then I go sit at the foot of the bed on the floor with my knees up just watching him.

I'm fascinated by how much he can do now. How tall he has grown. What he notices. How he learns. After a bit...he crawls over to me....crawls up between my knees and leans his head over on me.

Can I tell you that I died a thousand deaths right then and there??????

I pulled the lil guy up to give him a big hug and he puts his arms on my shoulders and rests his cheek on my shoulder.

Does life get much better than that? I think not.

He then wanted down and play some more and then would crawl back over and we'd snuggle a little more. He was getting tired and each time would linger on my shoulder a little longer. By then Shooter had gotten back home and it was time to get him in bed. Shooter's time with P is the snuggle time right before we put him in bed. P seems to do better when Shooter puts him to bed than when I do it.

Oh....and the kid went from hysterical to silent in 90 seconds. Amazing!

This motherhood gig is hard. Every day I feel like I make choices and decisions that are HUGE. I feel like everything has the potential to either benefit or hurt P. I know that's not really the case....but I have a heavier sense of responsibility now.

All in all, it's been a wonderful, crazy, tearful, joyous, funny, messy ride and I can't wait to enjoy many many more years of it!

Well...I stand corrected....

Well, ladies and gentlemen....I stand corrected.

In my last post I mentioned that my son was a vomiter. And he was. Up until the day or two after I wrote that post.

**rolls eyes**

At P's one year check-up the pediatrician told me that I had to start putting him down before he was fully asleep so that he could learn to put himself down. Yes, I'd been putting off doing that because I KNEW my kid. I KNEW what he'd do. I KNEW he'd throw up everywhere and well, I just didn't want to deal with it. Also, he's in this very clingy phase and just wants to hug on me and put his head on my shoulder....and....well, crap, I KNOW!! I know what I had to do....

So that night, we tried it....but he went to sleep on Shooter and we had no drama. He woke up, however at 2am and would not go back down. At 5am I laid him in his crib and walked out of his room...I was done...this kid was going to get the hang of this one way or another....

He cried....hysterically cried....sobbed....gagged.....but didn't vomit.

He cried...hysterically.....for over 45 minutes before the sobs got farther apart and he began to lose steam.

Ya know...I didn't think it was physically possible for a kid to cry so long....I am exhausted after 10 minutes of crying...anyway, I digress...

Night #2 - the crying went on for about 20-25 minutes...and I made Shooter be the bad guy and go put P down. After 10 min Shooter went back in to make sure he had his paci and try to settle him down...that just made things worse! Finally about 15 min later he crashed.

Night #3 - attended a birthday party and the kid was so exhausted that he put up no fight and was out almost instantly.

Night #4 - The decision was made to not keep going in his room unless it sounded like he had vomited everything he'd eaten that day or fell out of the crib. Amazingly enough...he cried for less time....only 15 min!

Night #5 - I was making Shooter and I some hot dogs in the kitchen. As soon as I finished them and had dressed my dogs, Shooter went to go put P in bed. I sat down, Shooter dressed his dogs and then sat down......and then we realized.....no crying! It had to have been only 5 min and he was completely spent like a couple of nights ago!! A-MAZ-ING!! This might actually be working after all!

Night #6 - The poor kid was so tired after day care. Got him home, played with him for a bit, fed him a little dinner, got him a bath, played a little more, then bottle. He zonked out on me before i knew it! BUT - as Shooter was taking him to bed he woke up and started wailing as soon as his butt hit the bed. We had bout 15 min of sporadic bursts of crying...like he'd figure out he was alone in his room in the dark and get really mad....then pass out.....then wake up and be mad again....then pass out....rinse and repeat....

Tonight marks the one week mark and I think we've made significant progress! It's definitely nicer for me because I'm not tethered to the couch with the munchkin curled up on my chest. Now granted...I LOVE that....but every so often I'd like to surf the net, or fold laundry, or bake cupcakes.....something....anything.....

There is hope.....

Now....if we can just conquer the sippy cup.......

What do those books say?

Okay....I have FINALLY come to the place where I fully believe that my child isn't like any of the children that the authors of the parenting books based their theories from.

You see.....my son is a vomiter.

I have tried the Ferber method...or the cry it out...or the let them soothe themselves and put themselves to sleep strategy. He HATES being left alone in his crib and will cry - well, let me be more descriptive - he will scream and sob and work himself up into such a tizzy that he ends up projectile vomiting all down the front of the crib. In the process he ruins his sheets, the rail cover, the mesh bumper and the dust ruffle.

Can I tell you just how much I HATE changing the sheets on his crib? I work up more of a sweat doing that than I do when I actually work out....and I hardly remember what that's like.

I have basically determined that my son is one who has a hard time putting himself to sleep. He needs help. Maybe I created that monster....but it's where we are now. Ever since he was little he'd cry himself into vomiting so we assisted him in getting to sleep.

Now, you just have to let him go for 3-4 min and he'll be technicolor yawning all over the place. I'm not looking forward to the terrible two's....because if he can do this now....without really trying....what if he realizes that he can make himself do it and does it on purpose.

Have I mentioned that I have a SERIOUS aversion to vomit?

I'm really at a loss....I had a bit of a breakdown this morning....after we'd been fighting with him for 3 hours - he'd fall asleep in your arms - then as soon as you got up from the chair he'd wake up crying. I'm not proud of it....I'm very ashamed of it....but honestly...I'm at my wits end. We're a bit sleep deprived....he's tired....we're all a bit cranky....we're just not all that pleasant to be around honestly.

Here's to hoping that this rough patch is merely a speed bump in our road of blissful sleep....we've been doing well until the last week....but oh what a week it's been....

I should blog about that.

Can I just say that it feels pretty awesome to be feeling like I want to blog again.

For most of the last 6 months I haven't even thought of blogging....I read others' blogs....posted on some....but just couldn't bring myself to write anything.

Lately...like in the last week....I've caught myself thinking, "Now I should blog about that!". I consider that a kind of breakthrough of sorts.

Perhaps I will start blogging again....random stuff....kid stuff....embarrassing stuff...ya know, the typical blog material.

Until I can compose my next masterpiece....Ciao!

There are days....and then there are DAYS

There are days I wake up and love being a Mom!

Then there are the other days.....

There are days like the week before Christmas....my last week before my two week Christmas vacation...when Parker came down with RSV and I had to miss several days of work and had to make emergency arrangements with his Nana to watch him at home so I could work a little bit.

There are days like last week when Parker came down with a stomach bug....and I was called no more than 10 minutes after I'd dropped him off that he'd vomited and needed to be picked up. It was the week that our office was moving and it was a short week...I didn't have time for this!

Those are the days where I'm pretty sure I didn't sign up for this. Those are the days where you have to make the hard decisions as a working Mom. Those are the days where you have to pick your child over your job. After a few of those days it makes me worry about being able to keep my job.

I know it's not the case...but I feel like I've missed more days from my job than I've actually worked. Deep down I know that's not the case...but I feel guilty every time I have to choose my son over my job. But when I ask someone else to help, I feel even guiltier.

Is guilt the working mother's dilemma? Will I be cursed with this as long as I'm working and he's living at home? Do I have 18 more years of this?

Some days it's so hard I just sit and cry...not knowing what to do...wishing I could make everyone understand that this is a hard decision and that I don't make it lightly. I want people at my job to know that it's not like I want to be out...nursing a sick baby at home. I'd rather be at work, doing something fulfilling and having him enjoying his day care. I'd choose that scenario a million times over.

But when I have one of those days....and I get that call from day care that he's not well....and I get frustrated and upset....I go pick him up and see that face....that face that lights up my world...

And I remember that he was once a tiny little boy who's grown way too fast....

And I know choosing him is the only right thing. He won't be this small forever although I'd like to freeze him just where he is. He's perfect and happy and just the sweetest boy.

When I have one of THOSE days....I look back at his pictures from the last 6 months and everything makes sense again.

Dear Parker - Month 6

Dear Sweet Baby Parker,

Mommy's sorry for not writing to you last month.

The last two months have been full of new discoveries for you. You've changed so much and see the world so much differently than you used to.

We celebrated Thanksgiving at you Nana and Pop's house. We had such a great time! Next year you will be able to sit at the table with us and eat from your own plate. That will be so much fun!

We discovered you could roll over both ways. We also discovered you like to sleep on your side. We took this picture one day after you and Daddy were playing. You got tired and rolled over and went to sleep!

Mommy and Daddy also started feeding you solid foods. We soon found out that you love squash the most! So far you've had: sweet potatoes, carrots, squash, green peas, green beans, applesauce, pears, peaches and bananas. Mommy usually makes up funny songs when she feeds you and sometimes she makes you laugh so hard you spit food at her. We always have a fun time when we're eating!

One afternoon you, Mommy and Daddy went to Sam's Club to get you some diapers and to do a little Christmas shopping - you got unhappy in your stroller so Mommy carried you around until she thought her arms would fall off! At that point I decided to see if you could sit in the stroller by yourself and what do you know! You could!! We were so proud we had to snap a picture of you from our camera phone!


You also had your first visit to Santa this year! Our friends at The Grove Church held an event where you could visit Santa for free...and unfortunately he looked like a "free" Santa. You don't look like you're all that excited either...hopefully next year we can get a smile out of you (and Santa)!

Right before Christmas this year you got really sick. You started coughing really bad and Mommy took you to see your doctor. He listened to you breathe and said the letters Mommy dreaded hearing...he said he thought you had RSV. He went and got a swab and got a sample from your nose and came back to tell me that it was positive. I cried and cried. I didn't want my baby to be so sick! (A funny side story - When I called to tell your Grandma that you had RSV, she misunderstood me. She thought I had said that you had H1N1, or the flu, and she just went to pieces with me on the phone. She was crying hysterically and so was I. Finally she asked if I was going to get sick and were they going to put you in the hospital. I said no, I can't get sick from this, it's just a sniffle to me. Then we realized she had misunderstood me and we laughed!!) Luckily your breathing treatments and your steroid worked and by the day before we left for Tennessee you were all better! The doctor told Mommy that everything sounded good and we could travel with you!

So off we went to Tennessee this year for Christmas and stayed with Grandma and Grandpa for 10 whole days!!! We had so much fun seeing family and enjoying being spoiled. Grandma and Grandpa's friends Jim and Brenda let them have a megasaucer while you were there and boy did you love it! It took you about two days to figure out what everything did and once you had that down you figured out you could make the thing bounce and you'd jump and laugh! We had such a fun time watching you play in it. You particularly loved chewing on the puppy's ears!!

We went and spend Christmas Eve at Granny's house - all 20 something of us. It was so hot in there! Mommy wanted to show you off in your Santa outfit...but only made you wear it for just a few minutes. You were so sweaty when I took your hat off! I ended up just having you in your socks and your onesie and rolling up your sleeves because it was so warm in the house.

Grandma made you a playmat in front of the TVin their living room and you'd play there for hours. One night Mommy put you in your babylegs so you could play with your toes easier. We laughed at you because you'd grab them and roll over and squeal. At this point you were rolling to your belly but didn't really know what to do once you got there. Grandma laughed at the skulls on your babylegs...I told her not to laugh, that you were HARDCORE! :-)

Mommy found this really cool seat one day while on the Babies R Us website. You like to sit up like a big boy so I thought it would be something you'd enjoy. We went to dinner one night and we put you in the seat and you loved it! You played with your feet and kicked around. We could even attach your favorite rings to the straps so they wouldn't drop to the floor. That same night Mommy discovered that you like to gnaw on celery sticks...it's just enough resistance...you're teething something fierce right now too. Mommy expects to wake up one morning to find you have 4 new teeth!

You've finally figured out what to do once you've rolled over. Usually this is where we find you. You like to sleep on your side and sometimes rolled more onto your belly - just like your Mommy! Grandma found you this baby sized sock monkey and you love it so much. You almost always take a nap with it at home! Your Aunt Kate got you a full sized sock monkey for Christmas and you love it too!!

Feeding time is always fun! You are getting so independent now and wanting to grab at the spoon and inspect it. Mommy's started giving you a bowl to distract you so that she can feed you without getting food all over both of us! You also decided that you didn't like laying back so much in your high chair so now you're sitting up more like a big boy. You amaze me every day with how independent and strong you are!

Yesterday was your 6 month birthday and we went to eat lunch with Nana and Pop and spend the afternoon with them. You sat in your new chair and then also sat in the restaurant's high chair so Mommy could feed you. You ate a whole container of baby food while we ate!

We went back to Nana and Pop's house and played - Aunt Paige had brought over some toys that cousins Andrew and Katherine had played with and you loved this one. It had a sun and moon and astronaut that all spun around. You knew exactly what to do to get them to spin. You loved chewing on it and playing with it.

Parker, I can't believe how fast the last 6 months have flown by. You are becoming your own little person and amazing me every day. It is music to my ears when you laugh...I'd jump over a thousand buildings to hear that laugh. I'd swim a thousand oceans to see your gummy grin. We have a minor hurdle to jump in the next couple of weeks. Your surgery is coming up fast and although Mommy dreads it, I know it's for the best. I am sure that I will see your beautiful smile shortly after the surgery is over and that laugh no long after.

Mommy loves you, dear one! You are the light of my life and all that is right with this world.

Christmas baking is under way!!!!!

Whoa...is it really time for me to fire up the oven again?!?!?

I am gearing up for my holiday baking marathon by starting with my Toffee Chocolate Chip Cookies. The oven is on and the ingredients prepared....just have to wait for the butter to soften. Why is it that I always get the urge to bake but am then stopped in my tracks by having to wait for butter to soften?????

Once Shooter gets back from his errands, he'll have the ingredients for me to make some Angel Whispers, which are lightly lemon sandwich cookies with a lemon curd filling. I'm making two batches, one in lemon and one in lime. I'll definitely post pictures and the recipe!

I'm also going to bake my favorite spritz cookie and make all kinds of great shapes using my cookie press. Once they're cool I use royal icing to decorate them. I will share this recipe as well for you.

Candies will be made too, so don't despair!! I have chocolate peppermint truffles on the menu and also peppermint bark. Also hanging out in the freezer are several pounds of pecans just waiting to be made into cinnamon spiced nuts!

I promise to keep you guys updated on my adventures and make sure you get the recipes and pictures so that you can add them to your holiday baking menu if you desire! Or...make them all year round!